The flow of thoughts and words

I have to give it up to God's grace. These days my patience has thoroughly been tested. Each day it seems like there is some new task that must be completed, a different path I must look at, some new advice that I try to smile and say "yeah, sure. I'll think about that" If it wasn't for God, I'm sure my strength would not be as solid as it is now. These days I've learned to lean on him more and more. Taking to heart the words that I read. Analyzing what he would think about the decisions I made.

Today I got to talk to my amazing Auntie. No matter what, every time I close our conversation there seems to be this solid sense and assurance of who I am. This woman is a magnetic and has an energy that travels to those who care to be enveloped in it. The care free attitude that she so humbly emits is intoxicating. I would love to be seen by my future nephews and nieces as she is in my eyes.

These days I've been laughing a lot. Each day has brought a new simple moment of blessing and happiness. Little words that dance from the screen to my heart. They capture it more and more each day. Unable and unwilling to turn away, I am surrounded by this new beginning, this sun shining into my life. Yet I stand at the edge, looking at where I'm about to fall. I know where I'm going, I know what will happen if I let it, I know secretly the thoughts and dreams in the back of my head yet I dare not utter them into existence. Another note hits the screen, I smile and take another step towards that edge, knowing there is a net at the bottom and that I will never hit the ground. My past brings up memories that too good to has lead to a settled life and dreams disappearing into the night. I've gotten closer to that edge than I thought I would. I guard myself, but I take another step. My fear and reservations slowly melting away, slipping off into the distance.

The lunch clock ticks another moment closer to the end of this day. Trying desperately to regain my focus to tasks more tedious and mundane I push the process of thought back into my mind, tucked away in that little corner only to be revisited later today.

Life is a funny thing, just when you think you've got it figured out...it throws you a silver lining :)