Home is not a place that you can necessarily choose. It's the place that courses through your blood, warming your heart at it's mere existence. Home is the place you want to grow old around, the parks you imagine yourself putzing around in greeting others as they pass by. The place that makes your heart stop the moment your eyes fall on that small "Welcome To" sign.
Home to me is Oregon. Prayer after prayer has been uttered off my desperate lips. Call after call asking the Lord to grant me a way back to that small country town. There is no greater place that I can imagine living in. Driving through the country last weekend I could feel the land in my soul calling me home. The fields dance their bits of grain in the wind, floating across the landscape into my heart. My hand dances on the wind as we drive.
My very being aches for that place, that moment, that time, that city.
Ask and you shall receive...God is taking me home :)
I am going home! The thought makes my heart pitter patter against my chest. Warming my blood beneath my skin. My hands jitter as I close my eyes, going back to that field of gold and tan. The trees pepper the backdrop of the landscape all enclosed by the outline of the rolling hills. I breath in, sighing and looking at the clock. Counting the days until I can drive past that Welcome To sign whispering I'm back.
...home...there is no other word like it
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Driving at the speed of light
I sit back sigh and wonder...
What is the speed limit anyways?
Who's driving the car?
Does it matter?
How will I know when I've gone past it unless someone stops me and gives me a ticket?
I wouldn't be able to take it back. Undo and pretend like I never pushed the pedal just a little farther to see if I was alone in the car of if the passenger seat was still taken. It's not the speed that makes look twice, think twice, breath twice before pressing harder on that pedal. Its the thought of being stopped. Being told I'm driving two fast. Being left alone in that car to stare at only the price tag on the ticket.
I sit back sigh and wonder...
Where do the daydreams take others?
Are they soon or forever?
Does it matter?
How will I know if they are the same to one another or simply similar in that they are in color?
These thoughts take up a majority of time in either mind. In all this time, is there ever a chance that their paths have crossed? That the same note has hit each heart? When no dreams ever leave the lips of the soul, they stay as dreams. These things cannot be measured unless a breath is taken and they jump from mind to words. Until then they simply stay daydreams, accomplishing nothing more than entertaining the mind and heart.
I sit back sigh and wonder...
Where the heck am I going?
Do I even have a map?
Does it matter?
What happens if I get off the trail and if I do get off who is going to tell me?
I sometimes feel like I'm just staring at this map screaming "where the heck am I going?" I don't want to follow a road aimlessly because the sun shines perfectly on me and the air is sweet. This hiker is one in need of direction no matter how perfect the trail is because sooner or later there is bound to be a fork in the road and I need to know which direction to turn. I don't know which way is which and I need to know what that path holds.
I sit back sigh and wonder...a smile curls...I get goosebumps.
...when will I stop wondering?
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
If only I could read minds
I know that there was this break in the postings and now there's even 2 in one day! It's crazy how much I feel the need to write when thoughts are flowing through my mind. It's just one expression after the next.
So I've discovered I'm not a sign person. I don't catch the little signs that others around me see. To be quit honest I'm as blind as a bat when it comes to signs. This has in the past led to some very embarrassing moments of course. Highly entertaining of course and not to mention fantastically hilarious stories, but still a bit embarrassing.
If only there was a way to just look at a person and know what's going on in their head. Expression of emotion is up for interpretation unless you utter words in their presence. I wonder often what my words mean to those who dare to read. What my writing has made them think. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it weird? This place is a glimpse into my heart, a way to express what I have no voice to do. The reactions of others trickle in and out of my thoughts as I type each word.
Trickling in again. I wonder...I imagine. What you are thinking, how you are feeling. Why this knowledge dances so often in my mind still remains a mystery, but it is always there. Like clockwork the nights and mornings come with a sense of excitement these days. Daydreams begin to enter my daily routine as if they have always been there. I look towards home and wonder. There it is again, the daydreams begin to take over. A smile creases across my face as I let it wander. Even for just a moment, it drifts off to a place of bliss and pure happiness. This feeling refuses to leave my heart. Slowly spreading to every corner of my mind while I try to reign them back to reality.
...I wonder again...what do you wonder?
So I've discovered I'm not a sign person. I don't catch the little signs that others around me see. To be quit honest I'm as blind as a bat when it comes to signs. This has in the past led to some very embarrassing moments of course. Highly entertaining of course and not to mention fantastically hilarious stories, but still a bit embarrassing.
If only there was a way to just look at a person and know what's going on in their head. Expression of emotion is up for interpretation unless you utter words in their presence. I wonder often what my words mean to those who dare to read. What my writing has made them think. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it weird? This place is a glimpse into my heart, a way to express what I have no voice to do. The reactions of others trickle in and out of my thoughts as I type each word.
Trickling in again. I wonder...I imagine. What you are thinking, how you are feeling. Why this knowledge dances so often in my mind still remains a mystery, but it is always there. Like clockwork the nights and mornings come with a sense of excitement these days. Daydreams begin to enter my daily routine as if they have always been there. I look towards home and wonder. There it is again, the daydreams begin to take over. A smile creases across my face as I let it wander. Even for just a moment, it drifts off to a place of bliss and pure happiness. This feeling refuses to leave my heart. Slowly spreading to every corner of my mind while I try to reign them back to reality.
...I wonder again...what do you wonder?
The flow of thoughts and words
I have to give it up to God's grace. These days my patience has thoroughly been tested. Each day it seems like there is some new task that must be completed, a different path I must look at, some new advice that I try to smile and say "yeah, sure. I'll think about that" If it wasn't for God, I'm sure my strength would not be as solid as it is now. These days I've learned to lean on him more and more. Taking to heart the words that I read. Analyzing what he would think about the decisions I made.
Today I got to talk to my amazing Auntie. No matter what, every time I close our conversation there seems to be this solid sense and assurance of who I am. This woman is a magnetic and has an energy that travels to those who care to be enveloped in it. The care free attitude that she so humbly emits is intoxicating. I would love to be seen by my future nephews and nieces as she is in my eyes.
These days I've been laughing a lot. Each day has brought a new simple moment of blessing and happiness. Little words that dance from the screen to my heart. They capture it more and more each day. Unable and unwilling to turn away, I am surrounded by this new beginning, this sun shining into my life. Yet I stand at the edge, looking at where I'm about to fall. I know where I'm going, I know what will happen if I let it, I know secretly the thoughts and dreams in the back of my head yet I dare not utter them into existence. Another note hits the screen, I smile and take another step towards that edge, knowing there is a net at the bottom and that I will never hit the ground. My past brings up memories that too good to has lead to a settled life and dreams disappearing into the night. I've gotten closer to that edge than I thought I would. I guard myself, but I take another step. My fear and reservations slowly melting away, slipping off into the distance.
The lunch clock ticks another moment closer to the end of this day. Trying desperately to regain my focus to tasks more tedious and mundane I push the process of thought back into my mind, tucked away in that little corner only to be revisited later today.
Life is a funny thing, just when you think you've got it figured out...it throws you a silver lining :)
Today I got to talk to my amazing Auntie. No matter what, every time I close our conversation there seems to be this solid sense and assurance of who I am. This woman is a magnetic and has an energy that travels to those who care to be enveloped in it. The care free attitude that she so humbly emits is intoxicating. I would love to be seen by my future nephews and nieces as she is in my eyes.
These days I've been laughing a lot. Each day has brought a new simple moment of blessing and happiness. Little words that dance from the screen to my heart. They capture it more and more each day. Unable and unwilling to turn away, I am surrounded by this new beginning, this sun shining into my life. Yet I stand at the edge, looking at where I'm about to fall. I know where I'm going, I know what will happen if I let it, I know secretly the thoughts and dreams in the back of my head yet I dare not utter them into existence. Another note hits the screen, I smile and take another step towards that edge, knowing there is a net at the bottom and that I will never hit the ground. My past brings up memories that too good to has lead to a settled life and dreams disappearing into the night. I've gotten closer to that edge than I thought I would. I guard myself, but I take another step. My fear and reservations slowly melting away, slipping off into the distance.
The lunch clock ticks another moment closer to the end of this day. Trying desperately to regain my focus to tasks more tedious and mundane I push the process of thought back into my mind, tucked away in that little corner only to be revisited later today.
Life is a funny thing, just when you think you've got it figured out...it throws you a silver lining :)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Face of the Silver Lining
This entry may not make a bunch of sense to a lot of people, but it will make sense to a few. You know who you are, but names are not important. This entry is more for those individuals and me.
Life can take you on some pretty rough roads. Recent events have got me thinking where and just how I ended up where I am today. There have been a lot of thoughts running through my head. Where do I go? What do I do? When do I decide? How fast should I go? Just a consistent flow of thought after thought.
I have learned so much this last year. There is this entire other side to me that has developed and grown into maturity. I love it and I feel it's beautiful. There is such an appreciation for the things I thought were silly and boring growing up. A simple walk through some beaten path in the country which many of us call our back yard. Sitting and simply listening to the sounds of peacefulness. Those wheat grass fields blow softly in the breeze inside my head.
There are a few who I have learned are my grounding rocks, my most precious friends for ever and ever. Your endless phone conversations have left a lasting impression on my soul. You are such a good friend and it is by Gods grace that we both ended up in Washington to go through life together. You will find your happily ever after someday and he will be wonderful. I can't wait to be your friend through the rest of life's journey.
The family that has always been there for me. Like Christ himself, time and time again you lift me up. You don't hesitate to share that love that pours from you heart. Others search their whole lives to find a dedication such as yours. I can't wait to live closer to you so we can share in the simple pleasures more often. I miss you. I'm coming home someday.
And then there's you. You who has sparked something inside of me. The faith in the good in this world. The belief that there is a blessing in everything. The beauty that is the awkwardness. You have come out of nowhere and now are everywhere. You leave me without words.
People go through live no knowing how incredible those people are who come into their lives. I have been touched by your life and your spirit and I am forever changed. Thank you for just being you.
Life can take you on some pretty rough roads. Recent events have got me thinking where and just how I ended up where I am today. There have been a lot of thoughts running through my head. Where do I go? What do I do? When do I decide? How fast should I go? Just a consistent flow of thought after thought.
I have learned so much this last year. There is this entire other side to me that has developed and grown into maturity. I love it and I feel it's beautiful. There is such an appreciation for the things I thought were silly and boring growing up. A simple walk through some beaten path in the country which many of us call our back yard. Sitting and simply listening to the sounds of peacefulness. Those wheat grass fields blow softly in the breeze inside my head.
There are a few who I have learned are my grounding rocks, my most precious friends for ever and ever. Your endless phone conversations have left a lasting impression on my soul. You are such a good friend and it is by Gods grace that we both ended up in Washington to go through life together. You will find your happily ever after someday and he will be wonderful. I can't wait to be your friend through the rest of life's journey.
The family that has always been there for me. Like Christ himself, time and time again you lift me up. You don't hesitate to share that love that pours from you heart. Others search their whole lives to find a dedication such as yours. I can't wait to live closer to you so we can share in the simple pleasures more often. I miss you. I'm coming home someday.
And then there's you. You who has sparked something inside of me. The faith in the good in this world. The belief that there is a blessing in everything. The beauty that is the awkwardness. You have come out of nowhere and now are everywhere. You leave me without words.
People go through live no knowing how incredible those people are who come into their lives. I have been touched by your life and your spirit and I am forever changed. Thank you for just being you.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
More Details to Come
I know I have been terrible at updating my blog. There has been a whole slew of changes to my life, but all have a positive blessing to them. There was the most amazing message today at church about just surrendering to God's love and letting him guide your life even though you may not know the destination. I definitely have questions of where I'm going and how I'm going to get there, but recently there has been this desire for more and more of his work in my life.
Here's the scoop of my life recently and a "wham, bam, thank you mam" format.
1. I got a new job as an Administrative Assistant at a chiropractors office.
2. I recently entered the singles category as some of you already may have known.
3. I moved into a great house with 5 awesome room mates and 1 sweet dog.
4. I've visited Oregon a couple of times and feel a strong pull to my hometown.
5. I become comfortable with my ridiculous, always positive, super cheery attitude that in the past has kept me a bit reserved since I never wanted to be "that silly girl who can't stop smiling" Its true, I can't and I wont :)
So yeah, much more to come soon. The sun is out and I cannot focus on a blog while there's time to play outside!
Monday, March 30, 2009
No Spring for Washington
So the other day I decide that I need a cute pair of rain boots. They have been in style for quit some time and living in the Pacific Northwest, these are a great investment. Plus then I get to go shopping for more shoes. If you know me, you know that I always enjoy shoe shopping.
Anyways, I go to Target where I always find everything. I find rain boots...lime green rain boots. Hmmm not exactly what I was looking for. I guess I thought I'd find a variety. So I head next door to Payless Shoe Source. A place where their soul purpose in life is to provide shoes. Again, gross lime green rain boots. UGH! Getting frustrated I try TJ Max. They don't have any at all. After going into 4 more stores in the MALL I begin to feel the annoyance rising inside of me.
Everywhere I go, every store, every display, every story is the same thing.
"Oh I'm sorry. We don't have anymore rain boots. They were removed to make room for our summer sandal sale. You're like the 5th person to ask me that." Really, I think. I kind of stared at her avoiding the urge to ask her how many pairs she had actually sold that day compared to how many people sales of rain boots she's turned down. Oh and just to give you an idea of how ridiculous that whole thing is IT SNOWED THAT DAY! Yeah. Snow. In March. In Tacoma. Where apparently it is summer and people need to buy flip flops.
Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw the sun...let's be honest here. People in the Pacific Northwest are naturally (i say this 'cause many invest in a high powered bulb sun) pale for a reason. We have no sun! Well...actually we do have a sun. It's the orange ball you see in the sky for 2-3 months out of the year.
I guess I'll just have to give in and order them online. I do enjoy online shopping, but it is in no way comparable to having shoes lined up in front of you to try on as you like.
...flip flops. I hate your marketers.
Anyways, I go to Target where I always find everything. I find rain boots...lime green rain boots. Hmmm not exactly what I was looking for. I guess I thought I'd find a variety. So I head next door to Payless Shoe Source. A place where their soul purpose in life is to provide shoes. Again, gross lime green rain boots. UGH! Getting frustrated I try TJ Max. They don't have any at all. After going into 4 more stores in the MALL I begin to feel the annoyance rising inside of me.
Everywhere I go, every store, every display, every story is the same thing.
"Oh I'm sorry. We don't have anymore rain boots. They were removed to make room for our summer sandal sale. You're like the 5th person to ask me that." Really, I think. I kind of stared at her avoiding the urge to ask her how many pairs she had actually sold that day compared to how many people sales of rain boots she's turned down. Oh and just to give you an idea of how ridiculous that whole thing is IT SNOWED THAT DAY! Yeah. Snow. In March. In Tacoma. Where apparently it is summer and people need to buy flip flops.
Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw the sun...let's be honest here. People in the Pacific Northwest are naturally (i say this 'cause many invest in a high powered bulb sun) pale for a reason. We have no sun! Well...actually we do have a sun. It's the orange ball you see in the sky for 2-3 months out of the year.
I guess I'll just have to give in and order them online. I do enjoy online shopping, but it is in no way comparable to having shoes lined up in front of you to try on as you like.
...flip flops. I hate your marketers.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Single Life, Chapter Two
I'm not a huge fan of the phrase "break up". It has such a negative connotation. When people say it they associate anger, yelling, hurt, tears, sadness. The end to relationships are not all the same.
Mine, was fairly pleasant actually. I won't lie. The end to a relationship sucks. I love Jed very much and he loves me. We will miss each other a lot, but that isn't what makes a relationship work. Jed and I had a long talk the other day. This was a decision that was foreseen, but not addressed. Eventually, the truth of the matter came out in a very mature and practical conversation.
Life has brought many things to Jed and I. We have had ups and downs, twists and turns. Through the years we have gone through a lot together. We have shared many memories together. We have learned to live life together. There is a big love that Jed and I have for each other. It is this love that has helped us realize that some things are more important than others.
Through these years we have grown and developed into wonderful, mature people who are not necessarily the same people we were when we started dating. We've developed different interests, hobbies and preferences.
At the end we both realize that at this time we are just at different places in our lives. Our pasts, similar in nature, have made us aware of how important it is to be honest in a relationship. Rather than force a relationship that isn't working, we wanted to end this with a friendship beautifully intact.
Jed and I are still great friends. I'm staying where I am until I find a great house with some nice room mates. I know I can count on him whenever I need. He knows I'm always here for him. Someday I will meet my christian husband and we will have a house chock full of kiddos. I know that some girl, who is better fit for him, will make him very happy and look great on the back of his motorcycle.
So...break up? No not really. The beginning of a great friendship? Yes. I like that much better :)
Mine, was fairly pleasant actually. I won't lie. The end to a relationship sucks. I love Jed very much and he loves me. We will miss each other a lot, but that isn't what makes a relationship work. Jed and I had a long talk the other day. This was a decision that was foreseen, but not addressed. Eventually, the truth of the matter came out in a very mature and practical conversation.
Life has brought many things to Jed and I. We have had ups and downs, twists and turns. Through the years we have gone through a lot together. We have shared many memories together. We have learned to live life together. There is a big love that Jed and I have for each other. It is this love that has helped us realize that some things are more important than others.
Through these years we have grown and developed into wonderful, mature people who are not necessarily the same people we were when we started dating. We've developed different interests, hobbies and preferences.
At the end we both realize that at this time we are just at different places in our lives. Our pasts, similar in nature, have made us aware of how important it is to be honest in a relationship. Rather than force a relationship that isn't working, we wanted to end this with a friendship beautifully intact.
Jed and I are still great friends. I'm staying where I am until I find a great house with some nice room mates. I know I can count on him whenever I need. He knows I'm always here for him. Someday I will meet my christian husband and we will have a house chock full of kiddos. I know that some girl, who is better fit for him, will make him very happy and look great on the back of his motorcycle.
So...break up? No not really. The beginning of a great friendship? Yes. I like that much better :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Chihuly Glass Night
Recently I met up with a wonderful group of photographers. There was a Chihuly Glass exhibit in a local greenhouse. The arrangements, the colors, the shapes. They were beautiful. I had a great time taking photographs of these works of art.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Oregon, My 'Ol Stomping Grounds
So this weekend I went to Oregon, the place I grew up. This part has my heart, but this was the first place where I truely felt like I was a Wash..atonian? Anyways, I missed Washington and the boyfriend. I'm very excited I've moved and have such a wonderful love and friends.
Thursday there was a wonderful memorial for an amazing man named Phil Bauer. There were so many people at the service
that they had to open the back and add more chairs. Even then there were some people standing. I think that speaks volumes about the man we will always remember. I read a piece I wrote, which is a couple of blogs down.
Friday I consumed way too much coffee as I booked 4 coffee dates in one day. By the time dinner rolled around I needed food asap because I could feel the caffinee. I had a great time reconnecting with my friends. I'm so excited for Miranda and Andy's wedding. They are just the most perfect couple and ar
e truely meant to be.
Saturday was spent with the family at the very muddy dog park. If I were anywhere else I would have minded the mass amounts of mud on my pants. However, in Corvallis you can walk around covered in mud and no one would mind. Then it was off to the wonderful night of worship with the Rockin Worship Band. We raised a good amount of money for the Bauers and had lots of wonderful time with God. I loved it and afterwards everyone went to Sharie's. Memories of after-dance/prom dinners flooded Chelle and my memory.
Sunday rolled around and I finally had breakfast with Jill. She is a wonderful woman and will make an amazing mother. I think God has truely blessed her life. The drive wans't bad, but I was glad to be home. I took some photos while I was there. Some are cool, some are just interesting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
