If only I could read minds

I know that there was this break in the postings and now there's even 2 in one day! It's crazy how much I feel the need to write when thoughts are flowing through my mind. It's just one expression after the next.

So I've discovered I'm not a sign person. I don't catch the little signs that others around me see. To be quit honest I'm as blind as a bat when it comes to signs. This has in the past led to some very embarrassing moments of course. Highly entertaining of course and not to mention fantastically hilarious stories, but still a bit embarrassing.

If only there was a way to just look at a person and know what's going on in their head. Expression of emotion is up for interpretation unless you utter words in their presence. I wonder often what my words mean to those who dare to read. What my writing has made them think. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it weird? This place is a glimpse into my heart, a way to express what I have no voice to do. The reactions of others trickle in and out of my thoughts as I type each word.

Trickling in again. I wonder...I imagine. What you are thinking, how you are feeling. Why this knowledge dances so often in my mind still remains a mystery, but it is always there. Like clockwork the nights and mornings come with a sense of excitement these days. Daydreams begin to enter my daily routine as if they have always been there. I look towards home and wonder. There it is again, the daydreams begin to take over. A smile creases across my face as I let it wander. Even for just a moment, it drifts off to a place of bliss and pure happiness. This feeling refuses to leave my heart. Slowly spreading to every corner of my mind while I try to reign them back to reality.

...I wonder again...what do you wonder?

The flow of thoughts and words

I have to give it up to God's grace. These days my patience has thoroughly been tested. Each day it seems like there is some new task that must be completed, a different path I must look at, some new advice that I try to smile and say "yeah, sure. I'll think about that" If it wasn't for God, I'm sure my strength would not be as solid as it is now. These days I've learned to lean on him more and more. Taking to heart the words that I read. Analyzing what he would think about the decisions I made.

Today I got to talk to my amazing Auntie. No matter what, every time I close our conversation there seems to be this solid sense and assurance of who I am. This woman is a magnetic and has an energy that travels to those who care to be enveloped in it. The care free attitude that she so humbly emits is intoxicating. I would love to be seen by my future nephews and nieces as she is in my eyes.

These days I've been laughing a lot. Each day has brought a new simple moment of blessing and happiness. Little words that dance from the screen to my heart. They capture it more and more each day. Unable and unwilling to turn away, I am surrounded by this new beginning, this sun shining into my life. Yet I stand at the edge, looking at where I'm about to fall. I know where I'm going, I know what will happen if I let it, I know secretly the thoughts and dreams in the back of my head yet I dare not utter them into existence. Another note hits the screen, I smile and take another step towards that edge, knowing there is a net at the bottom and that I will never hit the ground. My past brings up memories that too good to has lead to a settled life and dreams disappearing into the night. I've gotten closer to that edge than I thought I would. I guard myself, but I take another step. My fear and reservations slowly melting away, slipping off into the distance.

The lunch clock ticks another moment closer to the end of this day. Trying desperately to regain my focus to tasks more tedious and mundane I push the process of thought back into my mind, tucked away in that little corner only to be revisited later today.

Life is a funny thing, just when you think you've got it figured out...it throws you a silver lining :)

The Face of the Silver Lining

This entry may not make a bunch of sense to a lot of people, but it will make sense to a few. You know who you are, but names are not important. This entry is more for those individuals and me.

Life can take you on some pretty rough roads. Recent events have got me thinking where and just how I ended up where I am today. There have been a lot of thoughts running through my head. Where do I go? What do I do? When do I decide? How fast should I go? Just a consistent flow of thought after thought.

I have learned so much this last year. There is this entire other side to me that has developed and grown into maturity. I love it and I feel it's beautiful. There is such an appreciation for the things I thought were silly and boring growing up. A simple walk through some beaten path in the country which many of us call our back yard. Sitting and simply listening to the sounds of peacefulness. Those wheat grass fields blow softly in the breeze inside my head.

There are a few who I have learned are my grounding rocks, my most precious friends for ever and ever. Your endless phone conversations have left a lasting impression on my soul. You are such a good friend and it is by Gods grace that we both ended up in Washington to go through life together. You will find your happily ever after someday and he will be wonderful. I can't wait to be your friend through the rest of life's journey.

The family that has always been there for me. Like Christ himself, time and time again you lift me up. You don't hesitate to share that love that pours from you heart. Others search their whole lives to find a dedication such as yours. I can't wait to live closer to you so we can share in the simple pleasures more often. I miss you. I'm coming home someday.

And then there's you. You who has sparked something inside of me. The faith in the good in this world. The belief that there is a blessing in everything. The beauty that is the awkwardness. You have come out of nowhere and now are everywhere. You leave me without words.

People go through live no knowing how incredible those people are who come into their lives. I have been touched by your life and your spirit and I am forever changed. Thank you for just being you.

More Details to Come

I know I have been terrible at updating my blog. There has been a whole slew of changes to my life, but all have a positive blessing to them. There was the most amazing message today at church about just surrendering to God's love and letting him guide your life even though you may not know the destination. I definitely have questions of where I'm going and how I'm going to get there, but recently there has been this desire for more and more of his work in my life. 

Here's the scoop of my life recently and a "wham, bam, thank you mam" format.

1. I got a new job as an Administrative Assistant at a chiropractors office.

2. I recently entered the singles category as some of you already may have known.

3. I moved into a great house with 5 awesome room mates and 1 sweet dog.

4. I've visited Oregon a couple of times and feel a strong pull to my hometown. 

5. I become comfortable with my ridiculous, always positive, super cheery attitude that in the past has kept me a bit reserved since I never wanted to be "that silly girl who can't stop smiling" Its true, I can't and I wont :)

So yeah, much more to come soon. The sun is out and I cannot focus on a blog while there's time to play outside!